Why Great Leaders Break Their Own Rules

When the leader gets better, everyone gets better. And one way leaders get better? They learn when it’s right to be wrong.

We all know integrity matters. Keep your word. Follow through. Lead with consistency. But here’s a truth most leaders don’t talk about: Sometimes the best decision you can make is to unmake a promise you once made.

If you’re not careful, your early bold promises will become your future limitations.

Let’s talk about why—and how—to know when it’s time to be wrong on purpose.

The Passion Trap

When you’re launching something new—a business, a ministry, a relationship—your passion is high and your experience is low. And passion makes you bold.

That’s not a bad thing. Passion attracts people. It rallies teams. It inspires movement. So you start saying things like:

• “We’ll never be like those big companies.”
• “We’ll always treat each other like family.”
• “We’ll never shut that program down.”

These bold promises are usually rooted in deep values, and that’s good. But over time, the world changes. You change. And suddenly, what was right in one season becomes limiting in another.

What you value determines what you do. But if you’re not intentional about it, those values, when spoken in absolutes, can eventually become your biggest lid.

What Got You Here Won’t Get You There

Let me get personal. Here are a few of my early promises as a leader:

• “I’ll always mow my own lawn.”
• “I’ll meet with anyone who asks for a meeting.”
• “We’ll never do more than four church services.” 

All of those came from a place of integrity and commitment. But looking back, they were also made with a limited perspective.

One of our biggest early church strategies was declaring, “We only do five things: weekend services, kids’ ministry, student ministry, small groups, and missions.”

It worked … until it didn’t.

That strategy started limiting what smaller and larger campuses could do effectively. Eventually, we realized: It was time to unmake that promise. Not because it was wrong back then, but because it’s no longer right now.

How to Unmake a Promise (The Right Way)

So, how do you walk back a bold promise without damaging your leadership?

1. Create a culture that embraces change.

We tell our team, “This is true for now. But it has a 60-day expiration date.”

We’re not being inconsistent—we’re staying flexible in a world that never stops evolving.

The only constant is change. I don’t worry when we’re changing—I worry when we’re not.

2. Talk openly about what you’re unmaking—and explain the WHY.

We don’t say we’re “breaking” our word—we say, “We kept it. It served us well. But it’s time to unmake it.”

The key? Explain the why.

Tell your team why the shift is necessary. Let them in on the change in perspective, market, needs, or opportunity.

And here’s the encouraging part:

Most of the time, when you admit it’s time for a change, your team will say, “What took you so long?”

Reflect and Reframe: 3 Application Questions

Let’s get practical. Ask yourself:

1. What have I promised I’d never do—but maybe should?

Maybe the world has changed. Maybe you’ve changed. Be honest about what needs reevaluating.

2. What have I always done—that maybe doesn’t make sense anymore?

Don’t let yesterday’s strategy limit tomorrow’s success.

3. What should I delegate, stop, start, or empower someone else to do?

Your answer might unlock the next level of leadership growth.

If you’re not changing how you think, how you lead, what you do, and what you don’t do—your past assumptions will limit your future potential.

You don’t have to know it all. You don’t have to get it all right.

Just lead with honesty. Be willing to learn. And when the moment comes, don’t be afraid to say: “I used to believe this. Now I believe something better.”

Walk Through Your Doubts with The Benefit of Doubt

If you’re going through a season of spiritual doubt, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Almost all of us, at some point, have questioned what we believe and wondered if God was real.

In my new book The Benefit of Doubt: How Confronting Your Deepest Questions Can Lead to a Richer Faith you’ll learn that the strongest faith isn’t a faith that never doubts. It’s a faith that grows through doubts.

If you’re feeling frustrated in your faith, this book will give you the tools to keep pressing forward.